Sunday, November 9, 2014

Moving forward #1

19 June 2014

Next Monday will be 5 months since we had Anneliese.  It has felt so much longer.  We have tried to follow the spirit on how to move forward and when to move forward on growing our family again.  Waiting upon The Lord and His timetable, for children again, has stretched us farther then we could have ever imagined.  But, in May we finally felt good about moving forward with another round of infertility treatments.

We have felt so nervous.

What if it doesn't work this time?

What if it works and we have to say goodbye to another child again?

Fears, that I never thought much about going in the first time for invitro, now seem to be screaming at me.  Because of these fears we waited another month to call our Doctors to move forward.  I wondered if maybe we'd just get pregnant on our own that month. Nope.  When we called back the nurses told me that the lab would be closed for cleaning at the time I would need to be doing the embryo transfer so. . . I was pushed out another month.  But, they wanted me to start the birth control pills now to prepare.  I felt deflated in every way.  Not only are we having to wait another month...we don't even have the hope that we can get pregnant on our own to carry us through this month.

 So, right now, I'm stressed.  IVF isn't something we're doing just to get pregnant. . . It's to bring home a healthy baby! And I can't tell if I'm stressed because I now know the real fears that come with being pregnant and I'm just nervous OR if it means we need to wait a little longer.  So, for now we are continuing to exercise our faith and move forward with our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) and trying not to let our fears stop us.

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