Ultrasound déjà vu... #7

September 9, 2014

This morning was our viability ultrasound.  After everything with our last pregnancy and then a beta scare with this one...I have been extra crazy! Lack of sleep, anxiety, sadness, worry. . . The emotions at our house have been out of control.  And, honestly, we've been dreading the ultrasounds.  Our whole world changed after 1 ultrasound that now. . . They just seem like they are bad news.

As we headed out of our neighborhood to our appointment I felt nervous, anxious and really didn't want to go at all.  My heart started to finally relax a little and out jumps a deer! RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR CAR!  So...we hit the deer.  Our front bumper is hanging off and cracked on one side but Bambi is fine. . . .bruised and is missing some hair, but he's alive.

So, needless to say, after that I felt like it was a sign that we should just forget the ultrasound.  We should just stay in our obliviously hopeful life and not get crushed at the Drs office.  But, we didn't do that. . . We went to our appointment.

This viability ultrasound reminded me a lot of our viability ultrasound with Anneliese.  Jake and I were very much convinced and hopeful of a multiple pregnancy, just like we were of this pregnancy.  At our ultrasound the Dr showed us one baby, just like he did again today.  And just like last time, as we are trying to wrap our heads and hearts around one sweet baby. . . The bomb drops.  Last pregnancy, the sac wasn't looking right and we needed to come back a week later.  This time, our little one is measuring behind. . .and we get to come back in a week.

I know that God is able to do ALL things.  I know that His will for our family will ALWAYS be for our best in the long run.  But, I guess I'm just worried about the short distance.  The short distance, in my experience, is hard and painful.  I've learned so much by saying goodbye to our little girl...I would really just like to not learn so much this go around I think.  Or at least learn in a very less painful way.

So, here's to one more week.  One more week of waiting.  One more week of hope.