October 29, 2014
Today I am 14 weeks. Yesterday I started spotting. It's been a very rough two days.
When pregnant with Anneliese it took me awhile to finally relax and let myself be excited....just to have the news broken to us on November 1 that we would be saying goodbye. Now, just like with Anneliese, it took us awhile to relax and finally let ourselves be excited. And now, the weekend we have been wanting to get past is here...and we are once again wondering if we are saying goodbye.
I know that Heavenly Father is aware of me, my hopes, my dreams, my wants. . . .but more importantly He is aware of my NEEDS. He knows what I need, what Jillian needs, what Jake needs. He knows what we need to experience and what we need to learn to grow and reach our fullest potential. But, if there is one thing I've learned through our experience with Anneliese is that if we turn our struggles over to The Lord, He can make more of us than we ever thought possible. Our struggles will still cause heartache. I learned it's not if we let go of our heartache but how I choose to handle the heartache that enables Heavenly Father to work the miracles in our lives.
And so, even though I don't want this pregnancy to end, and am crying as I write it. . .I know that God KNOWS me and knows what is best for our family.