Thursday, December 5, 2013

Our Story

On November 1, 2013 our lives were changed forever, and this is why I am writing.  I'm not an eloquent writer and don't know that I even feel adequate to express the feelings I've had through these recent experiences, but I want to write this for me and hopefully be able to give some comfort to someone else that may be going through this in the future.

Jake and I are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and were sealed in an LDS Temple in 2005.  A few months after being married we felt it was time to start our family.  We soon found ourselves struggling with the heartache of wanting to become parents month after month.  This heartache continued for 4 years.  Through multiple pregnancies and births of family members and friends we waited, hoped and cried often.  Why? and When? questions plagued our thoughts and prayers continually.  We saw so many people being blessed with children and ached to have our own family.  In 2007 we tried Artificial Insemenation to try to conceive but after 2 attempts, were told that it wouldn't work and needed to try something else.  Jake and I were temporarily relocating for a sales job for four months right after that and felt like the summer would give us time to re-group and plan what we needed to do next.  That summer was a great break for us.  We were blessed with peace and a comforting feeling that parenthood was around the corner.  So we decided to wait patiently until our loving Heavenly Father would bless us with parenthood.  Finally, In 2009 we felt like it was time to do everything we possibly could to get a baby! We signed up for foster care courses, filled out adoption papers, made multiple doctor appointments for as soon as possible, prayed fervently and went to the temple often to help us feel closer to our Heavenly Father and be directed to know which way we needed to go to get our family here.

Two months had passed and it was the day before our appointment with an infertility specialist and OBGYN.  My cycle had been very inconsistent since trying Artificial Insemenation and I never knew if I was really late starting or not, so I decided to take a pregnancy test the day before the appointment so I could tell the Doctor that 'Yes, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.'  Struggling with infertility you learn quickly how to not get too excited or disappointed...pretty much you try to teach yourself not to hope so that the negative doesn't crush you.  So, that morning when a POSITIVE showed up, I thought for sure it was wrong.  I put it up on the shelf and hid it so Jake wouldn't see so that I could get the "real" results to show him. Crazy right?! I should have been ecstatic!  But, ever cautious, I kept it quiet for hours! Jake was getting ready to head to work when out of the blue he asked if I had taken a test.  My response, "Ya, but... I don't know."  I then told him what had happened and for the first time it truly sank in, I'M PREGNANT!  We hugged and cried, happy tears. I truly think that in my mind I thought, "Hey, that trial is over! We can finally have a family now."  But that hasn't been the case.  We did have a fabulous, healthy pregnancy and now have a beautiful 3yr old daughter.  We feel so VERY blessed to have her in our lives!  I have come to learn that the heartache of waiting for 'at least one baby' has been just as challenging for me as waiting for 'another baby'.  Watching our girl grow up and fearing she won't have siblings to grow up with has been so hard.  She has been such a blessing in our lives and hope to give her lots of siblings soon!

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